Sign In Sign-Up

Welcome!

Close

Would you like to make this site your homepage? It's fast and easy...

Yes, Please make this my home page!

No Thanks

  Don't show this to me again.

Close

Question 87

What approach do you take towards door-to-door and other in-the-flesh proselytizers?

• Usually just a "nope, not interested", and shut the door.

  What I hope I can remember to try next time is: "Which brand of primitive mythology/ignorant superstition are you selling now?" Kind of along the lines of "Have you stopped beating your spouse yet?"

  That should throw 'em for a loop. (Steve Keppel-Jones #54)

• I am usually happy to take the opportunity to preach to them about something I care about, such as veganism and animal rights, once I have heard them out for a short time.

  If these people call in order to preach to me, I feel I have the right to try to encourage them to think about an important issue. (Lesley Dove)

• Whenever a fundie appears at the door, I always say that I don't discuss religion with strangers. They always look startled and say, "Why?"

  Then I say, "Because I know more about it than you do."

  They just slowly turn around and leave. (Clothaire #1392)

• These days I set my wife, the Muslim, on them.

  Hahahahahaha!!! (Therion Ware #422)

• Either, "No thanks, I'm not interested" or "No thanks, I'm an atheist." Typically the former with JWs (who are likely to be local and sometimes female) and the latter with LDS/Mormoms (who are almost always from out of town and male). I remember once having some christian girls crying on my doorstep when I was a little to forth-right with them, so I try to be polite.

  A firm "I am not a Christian" works reasonably well in sticky social situations (let them imagine what they will), and my *good* friends know that I am an atheist (though most of them *aren't*). (Pat Kiewicz #1154)

• I think I've related this one before on the NG, but a few years back, some Jehovah's Witlesses came to my door when I was cutting up a chicken for dinner. I answered the door, cleaver still in hand. Seeing who it was, I looked over my shoulder, and called out "Honey, the human sacrifices are here!". I think they set a land speed record getting off my porch. (raven1 #1096)

• 1. Answer the door naked. This works especially well with the Baptists. 2. Tell them you have to do something outside, but go right ahead and talk. Using a piece of chalk, draw a pentagram around the thumpers as they tell you about their product. See how long it takes them to notice what you're doing. JW's love this.

  3. Chase them off with a meat cleaver. Works well against all comers. 4. If they're Mormon, invite them in for a nice caffeinated drink. Let them talk to my wife, who can quote chapter and verse, and who usually converts them...

  Now if only Amway were this easily thwarted... (Eric #1532)

• Party time. Especially in the winter. I had a couple of mormons come to the house in january, they were missionaries from florida. We discussed how foolish their beliefs were for about 45 minutes, out on the porch, untill they started to turn blue. It was -30F here in alaska then and they just couldn't keep it together. At about the half hour point I think that either one would have been happy to go to hell, at least for a little while. We live a short ways outside of ciivilization so it is fun when people come by. (david)

• Depends on how pushy they are. Usually when I open the door I can tell immediately whether they are bible-pushers (must be their squeaky clean appearance and a suit on a Saturday) so I am ready to cut them off before they get too far along in their spiel, especially Jehovah's Witnesses, who always seem to have an almost unrelated topic as a lead-in, last year it was rain forests.

  Anyhow, a polite "Sorry, not interested" usually ends the conversation and they retreat as I close the door. If they continue to jabber away, I will reiterate (more forcefully) that I am not interested and that I am an atheist, or, as I intend to say next time: "I am not interested in your death-cult mythology".

  If they persist (and I haven't closed the door to effectively end the conversation) I will attack their mythology and particular flavour of it. 99 per cent of the time the polite "not interested" is as far as it goes. Rarely, have I had to be more firm.

  One time, however, my "guidelines" became irrelavent. I have related this before (even did a cut, paste, and edit from a couple of posts :-)).

  The only time I really got nasty with a JW was years ago when one started the conversation with "Are you worried about the future?" I said no, and that threw him for a loop, and he immediately launched into his bible-thumping without allowing for a polite "not interested" refusal, so I went into attack mode. I cut him off and laughingly said that I bet he even believed that the world was created in six days. He pointed to his watch and said something along the lines of "this watch didn't evolve, it was created". I replied: "Telling time has evolved, first as a stick in the ground, then as a sundial..." Sort of killed his idea of bringing up the Watchmaker crap. I must say that his smiley, holier-than-thou demeanour disappeared very quickly. The "discussion" deteriorated quite rapidly from there.

  My final parting shot, as his wife (or helper) was dragging him away, was: "Put your bible down for once, and read a real book." (Keith Brannen #713)