Do you remember when you first realized that you were an atheist?
Then I became even more bold and found alt. atheism a month or so ago. Discovered people who think like me. Solidified my beliefs since
childhood. My husband caught me the other day reading these posts and we found even more common ground.
I am 43. It seems such a waste to have taken so long to be me, but I guess I have a history of the struggle which may help others come to terms quicker. Believing your instincts earlier can only help a person get on with living life sooner. (Ann -Cat Lady-)
I had never heard the word, but I knew that I was going to get the shit beat out of me when my mother found out, and I did. (Puck #162)
With my curiosity aroused, I read the Bible front to back, and by the time I was finished I was certain I was not a Christian.
Today my atheism is just one facet of a broader skepticism. I don't
believe in any gods, ghosts, souls, fairies, leprechauns, grey UFO
jockeys from Reticulus, lake monsters, yetis, bigfeet, astrology,
prophecy, new age crystals, spoon-benders, psychics, reincarnation, channelling, or a hundred other kinds of nonsense. (Niall McCauley #36)
Niall
Since that time, I have never found the need to return to church or pray.
(Liz Huth #658)
It was the result of a long process, though. As I stated as part of aa question #64, there was an attempt to raise me as a good little Catholic. My mother was from Ireland, went to an all-girl catholic school...the whole bit. My dad was not a Catholic, and had a very live and let live attitude towards religion.
My father and I would watch all science and science fiction shows, and animal shows such as Wild Kingdom. Asimov was my favorite author while growing-up. I just took it for granted that everyone believed in
evolution, old Earth, chimps look an awful lot like us for a reason,
etc... It was quite a shock to me when I found that this was not the case.
When I was 5 and 6, I went to a protestant Sunday school with a cousin on my father's side of the family. It was really fun! We heard stories about floods, and people turning into salt. After story time, we got to eat Saltines tm and drink grape juice. Then we moved. No more Sunday school. I started to go to Catholic church with my parents. The first thing I noticed was that I was no longer allowed to eat the crackers and juice. Only people who went through Communion could do that. I didn't understand why I was suddenly not good enough to eat Saltines tm , but my dad apparently wasn't good enough either, so I accepted it at the time. Then, in the 4th grade, I went through Communion. I was so excited! I was
finally going to eat the Catholic version of Saltines tm. Know what? God could use a little salt.
I don't know what I was expecting, but I realized at that time, that I
went through all the motions because it was what I thought I was supposed to do, not because my heart told me to follow that path. After that, I
avoided going to church when I could, and refused to go through Confirmation. My mom was hurt by it, but didn't push-it because she still held out hope that I would see the light someday.
I guess I was a deist at this point. I didn't NOT believe in god, but I
did not have any "faith" in any religion. A lot of the trappings of Christianity, such as the devil, angels, virgin births, etc... I had stopped believing long before, but I could not get past that last hurdle. Well, when I was 16, my father died after a 3 year illness. I had time to figure out what I truly believed. When he died and people tried to comfort me by saying that I would see him again someday, I knew that I would not. Believe me, I wanted nothing more than to believe that I would see my father again. I was able to think rationally even at this vulnerable point in my life, so sometimes it is difficult for me to understand (what I perceive to be) irrational belief in others.
Two years later, while in college, I was exposed to a real library. I discovered The Skeptical Inquirer, and through them, Prometheus Books. Ordering books and intercepting the mail before my mom did was tricky, but I did it. Like HUX aa #1056 states earlier in the thread, "Atheism, The Case Against God" was one of the books that had an influence on me. I
still have it in the newspaper cover that I used to disguise it so I could read it at home without my mother having a heart attack. Just seeing these types of books and being able to see "atheism" as a term that applied to myself and some scientists and writers that I admired greatly, and NOT as
a term for bad, hateful people, was what I needed to free myself once and for all from religion. If the internet (and this newsgroup) existed when I was in elementary school, I think that I would have been much younger when I finally had the guts to trust my own intelligence. (Paula)
The reasons aren't really all that complex. The first thing is that, I
was a Christian for quite a while. Then, as my pastor requested, I looked deep into my heart, into my love for my fellow man and my morals, and my ethics, and looked to find God at the source for all three of those. What
I found was that my love for my fellow man came from my parent's teaching that it is better to make friends than enemies, my morals came from what I thought would be the best policies for certain situations, and my ethics arise from my wish to do what is best for my family, friends, and society. None of these came from God.
And, that was the first step. I knew that I was a being independant of deities. My existence as what Christians would deem a "good person" was
not because God wanted people to be good people, but because I, idependantly of my belief in God at the time, wanted to be a "good person."
The next step was to take a look at the notion that God is both Omnipotent and benevolent. I found out that, according to the Christian faith, one could have no sins whatsoever, save not believing in Chistianity, and even be a kind, loving, generous, cheritable, even chaste person and still go
to Hell because this particular person didn't believe that the Christian god was the reason he was such a good person. I also realized that there are still thousands of people in the world who have not even heard of the Christian god, yet still become what the Christian would deem a "good person." These people tend to be those living in "primitive" tribes, but they are souls nonetheless, and are no less important than any other individual. Yet they do not have the option, let alone the reason, to believe in Christianity, and are therefore going to Hell.
The final step was to learn that this independance was not something that only happened with me. People around the world were, and are, making decisions of morality and ethics based not on what their deity would
prefer they do, but based upon what would have the most positive outcome for the most people involved. The best component that most all religions have in common is the belief that each one holds that it is the only
"holy" religion, and each one holds that it, alone, is the reason that people are moral, or ethical. Well, I didn't need to go to one place to engage in a mock of canabalism any more. I was fully ready to accept the responsibility for my own deeds, whatever their outcomes, without saying that God says that I should do this and, therefore, I really did do a good thing.
After that, my continued education on religions, Christian and otherwise, cemented my belief that this world not only doesn't have a god, but
doesn't need one either. The world is independant of celestial intervention. And, the people within it are held to be responsible for their own actions. Claiming the bible as a justification no longer holds any sway for me.
To clarify to the Christian and other believer yet missunderstander, I am not an atheist because it is easier for me. I am not an atheist due to
lack of scientific or other evidence. I have my own experiences as emotional and spiritual evidence to the contrary of a god. And, I am not
an atheist because religion has failed me.
I am an atheist because I have realized that all the good in the world which the Chistian will try to attribute to God is only the result of the actions of human beings who make decisions on their own, not because God told them to pray on it. And all the evil in the world that the Christian will try to attribute to Satan is only the result of human beings who make decisions on their own, not because Satan told them to act for their own self interests.
Since becoming an atheist, I have also become a writer, big brother, debator, and all around nice guy. I have experienced moments in which I seem to be of such focus that a human being shouldn't naturaly come
accross this, but I have found that these moments come from my own passion and self-control.
Atheism isn't always an issue of loosing faith, sometimes it's an issue of finding out that
you don't need it. (wingedbeast)
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