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Question 56

What do you do if invited to a religious ceremony, such as a > christening?

• I think if you choose to accept the invitation, you are obligated to go through the motions. Personally, I would feel comfortable standing in silence while others prayed. The present should reflect the values of the recipients. After all, it's for them. It also demonstrates your respect for beliefs other than your own. (Mark Gatzke)

• I think I'd probably go. After all, it's family. Not that my brothers, if/when they have kids, are particularly likely to have them baptized, but still.

  As for presents... I really don't know what I'd bring. (Nicolas P. Demers #155)

• Hmmm... let me see. I haven't stepped foot inside a church since... becoming an atheist. Actually it was before then. So I haven't been in a church for over 5 years.

  Would I go into one if invited? Well, considering I've been invited several times to these kinds of events over the last 5 years and haven't went to any of them... That says a lot in itself. :) (Lady Lorelei #1049)

• For purposes of this answer I define "religious ceremony" as "a ceremony primarily about a particular religion or its doctrines," to differentiate from, say, a wedding (which is primarily a social contract/event, even if it has a theological overlay).

  Generally, I call up and ask if I can help out at the reception (or whatever) afterwards, but state unequivocably (but gently) that I will not participate in the ceremony. (Brenda Nelson #34)

• I don't go. Unless it's something important, like a wedding or a funeral... and then I'm not going to participate "religious ceremony" aspects of it, I'm going to celebrate a marriage, or mourn the death of someone close to me. I can sit through the ceremony parts quietly.

  I might also attend some other religious ceremony out of cultural curiosity.

  >If you take a present, what kind of present would you bring?

  Depends, of course, on the event and the person. (Organic Machinery #284)

• I will attend, but I will decline to participate actively in the ceremonial acts. Like when the family goes to Christmas service: I'll sit quietly, listen to the organist (quite good BTW) pass on the communion, the blessings, etcetera. Meanwhile, internally, I'm thinking of it as an anthropoligical expedition.

  I always try to think of a present that I myself would like to receive if I were the target, unless I know the intended victim's tastes. Gift certs are usually good. F'rinstance, I know that my mother will appreciate a gift certificate to a Christian bookstore. Dad usually gets a classical CD and a Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar. (Fred Stone #1369)

• I'd decline. Well ... actually, I think I might attend a Wiccan ceremony, if only out of curiosity. But apart from that, there's no way I'd ever attend a religious ceremony -- including funerals and weddings. Period. For me to do otherwise would be hypocrisy, something I despise intensely. As for xtianity in particular, I hold that belief system in too much contempt for reasons both personal and ethical, so attending an xtian ceremony is totally out o f the question. If asked, I'd try to politely decline the offer and explain my reasons.

  > If you take a present, what kind of present would you bring?

  I always have a hard time deciding on what to give anyone. The choice depends on the tastes of the receiver, but I would not choose religion-related gifts, as those would run contrary to my own convictions. (Sarah Jaernecke #1102)

• N/A - but if I was manacled and dragged to the *god-soaking* (see? there *is* meaning inherent in that term) kicking and screaming, my presence would be presents enough. :)

  > If you take a present, what kind of present would you bring?

  Nope. A grown man wearing a dress, mumbling mystic gibberish, and sprinkling water on a child who's too young to understand or consent, is bizarre, and my willing attendance would be tantamount to condoning such idiotic ritualistic tripe.

  (either that or I'd drown the mumbling idiot who's holding the book'o'lies and wearing the dress, and I'd give the child the gift of being spared from the indignity of the christening) (Stix #12)

• Well, so long as the invitation came from a friend or relation and not some nutbar passing out a pamphlet, ( and so long as it was logistically reasonable ) I'd almost certainly go. I don't see my attendance as being a ringing endorsement of some faith or other, just a gesture of friendship or familial bonding. I even sang at the wedding of some friends of mine in a church several years ago and to my knowledge, nobody was idiot enough to assume I was a' liftin' mah voice in guh-lory of Jeeezzus.

  As for the gift, depends on the event and the intended recipient. If all else fails, Miss Manners can be so helpful in these areas. ;-) (Alikhat #757)

• It depends on who it's for. I went to the wedding of a close friend of mine that was held in a church, and ushered as well. I also gave my sister away at her wedding in a church as well. If it were something like a christening or bris, I'd not attend. Not as an insult, but rather as my way of not being involved in a truly religious ceremony. The weddings weren't exclusively a religious custom, but a legal ceremony. (Darryl L. Pierce #1142)

• Well, a christening is highly unlikely. I don't think anyone who knows me well enough to invite me would do so, as they know I am an atheist and would not want to put me 'on the spot' with an invite to a strictly religious ceremony.

  Weddings and funerals, though, I will attend, but I don't participate in prayers, recitations, or communion. I stand when others stand and sit when others sit, but don't kneel. (Pat Kiewicz #1154)