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Question 26

Were you married in a religious ceremony? Why (if you were), and how do you feel about it?

• No. Married by the mayor of Idaho City in Idaho. Amazing mountain scenery. The guy was over 90 years old. No mention of god. Just a quick and nice ceremony followed by ringing the town bell. (Jay Cole #30)

• This one is tricky for me. My wife is Native American, and our ceremony had many traditional native elements that don't easily escape being called religious. But, after seven years of learning about her (Isleta Pueblo)culture, I'm discovering that Isleta religion isn't anything like what I typically define as "religion." I suppose the main distinction is that it isn't separate from anything else. It's really life itself.

  So, we had a ceremony that contained lots of things that seemed religious," but, I suppose, weren't anything other than a formal expression of the recognition of the delicate balance present in our relationship to the universe. (Colin Montya-Lewis #866)

• I was, but only because I'd never have heard the end of it if I'd gone to a JP (which I strongly recommend to anyone who doesn't enjoy stress, ulcers and disputes over the food to be served, what kind of dresses the bridesmaids should wear and whether or not there will be a bar at a reception where half the guests are fundies and the other half lushes). I'd also never have heard the end of it if I hadn't invited every single person in the state related to me or my husband in any way, and a church was the only place big enough to hold all these people at a reasonable price. Given the hassle it turned out to be and the attempted brainwashing we endured uring our premarital counseling with the minister, I wish I'd told my grandparents to bite me and just get over the fact that I didn't want a religious ceremony, but what's done is done.

  Kids - take heed. ;) (Beth Wise #859)

• Yes.

  She was Catholic and wouldn't consider marriage by anyone except an ordained priest. I gave in.

  I felt as if it was just entertainment for the friends and relatives, so I put on a stone face and acted solemn in the right places, and smiled happily before and after. But I wouldn't have done it if I was as strong an atheist as I am now. I was 18 when I got married and although I was already thinking as an atheist, I hadn't thought everything through regarding how to deal with religion. I hadn't revealed my atheism at that time. (Bob Haynes #8)

• Got married in the Ethical Culture Society on Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia. Very nice ceremony with no mention of God. A nice part of the ceremony was that the leader came over a few days before and asked us what was important in our lives.

  Note to those planning a wedding - we invited our friends from all around the country, not our obnoxious aunts and uncles. This kept the wedding small and cheap, but more importantly we got to talk to them.

  We'll have been married 20 years this May, so I guess not having ghod in your wedding doesn't hurt. Take that, fundies! (Scott Davidson #1045)

• Civil ceremony. Her family asked that their life-long friend and pastor marry us. He said the only way he could do it was if I was given 30 days of religious "counseling" and start attending church. It was one of those living room scenes that was all warm and fuzzy and suddenly shattered with "Fuck that!". It just came out. It sealed my fate as the family heathen, and twenty years of proselytizing. (Steve Knight #855)

  Civil ceremony, city hall. We made one concession to my parent's tradition: we did the stepped on wine glass thing. Just an interesting symbolic gesture. But everything other than signing the license is symbolic gesture. (Jeff/Addesign #1063)

• An ethical society ceremony, my husband is catholic, and it was a compromise we were both confortable with. (Jennifer P. Gunn #717)