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Question 1

What experiences have you had when you told family, friends, co-workers, former ministers, etc., that you were an atheist?

• From my family: relief - they were already atheists. From Christian friends: disbelief at first - they know I like to have a good laugh - and then acceptance. Incidentally this was my reaction to one of my friends who turned out to be a Christian - typical she is not! We have quite a few amusing little digs at one another.

  I have friends who don't know my views, and I don't know theirs - in the UK the subject is hardly ever discussed in a social setting or the work-place. Bet you're jealous! ;) [June Gill #364]

• Many people seem threatened before I even say a word. They look as though I were a cat about to pounce on their frail belief system. Others are very patronizing and simply say that I couldn't know what the hell I'm talking about. The few of my friends who are christian are completely accepting, even though I cannot understand how they could be accepting of me and their beliefs at the same time. [Justin Laue #244]

• My biggest problem was a schoolteacher who called me an atheist in front of class and set the other kids against me. [Christopher Lee #105]

• Everything from "so what" to vigorous attempts at conversion. I've lost friends over this. [erikc #2]

• My mom's reaction is "No, dear, you're not an atheist. You're just going through an agnostic phase." God, how I hate that condescending tone. [Jim Rugh #643]

• Family: I first declared I was an atheist at least 28 years ago as I was no older than aged 12 (yes, DO the math - I hit the big 40 this year - sympathy cards accepted). My parents didn't like it, still had to go to church for a while, but eventually I just said I wasn't going any more and my parents relented. No real problems after that.

  Wife's family: My wife is a theist, she is not a creationist, finds problems with the bible, rarely goes to church. Her parents and her sister (and her husband) are creationists. Her brother (and his wife) are atheists. Family get-togethers can take an interesting turn, but on the whole religion is usually not discussed. Well, they may say something, but I usually ignore the bait, I have learned you can't argue with a brick wall. Actually, until I met them I had never met a creationist before. When my wife's parents found out I was an atheist there was the expected consternation, but it soon passed, after all their son is also an atheist.

  Friends: Never been a problem, they are a mixture of atheists, agnostics, and theists. Since I was an atheist at an early age, my friends have always known where I stood.

  Co-workers: No big deal, no known fundies, religion rarely brought up, most know where I stand, and not afraid to say if asked.

  Former ministers: When the minister at the church (Anglican) where I went found out I was not going to be confirmed, he asked me why, I told him, he asked whether I wanted to talk about it, I said no, end of story. [Keith Brannen #713]

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• When I was a young teen in the Boy Scouts I knew I didn't believe in God, though I didn't know that that was atheism. But I HAD to keep it a secret and put up with boring religious ceremonies, or else I would have been thrown out of the Boy Scouts. I didn't want to be thrown out of the Boy Scouts because it was one of the few things I did away from home that I actually enjoyed (minus all those pointless religious ceremonies). [The Deadly Nightshade #119]

• The only silly reaction came from the teacher of Protestant Religious Ed. back at school. We had to chose between Philosophy and Religious Ed. I chose philosophy, but many of my mates chose religious ed. because they thought philosophy class was too early in the morning. I remember that the philosophy class was small at the beginning, but every other week a new student appeared who said he'd been kicked out of religious ed. because the teacher found out he was an atheist. She was my social ed. teacher, too and she hated us. She seriously thought that because we were atheists we were praising Satan. Once she asked if we were listening to this metal music. At that time I didn't, but the next day I copied me some Black Sabbath etc. albums. I loved to scare her. She was like 4'11, I am 6'3 and I tried to stand as close to her as possible when talking to her. When she walked along the floor, my friend used to say to me "Hey, midnight on the cemetary. Don't forget to bring the candles." I think she really believed us.

  But, among dozens of people, she was the only one who was pissed. [willwink]

• Family Reaction - Since all my siblings are atheists it wasn't big news. In fact, I was the first of the sibs to bring it up. My mom, being a good Methodist, was naturally convinced that raising 7 heathens would be her undoing in the eyes of god (...and the sins of the children shall be visited on poor old Mom). I still get comments from aunts, uncles, cousins, etc...they worry about "my poor heathen children". They think I should at least try to "save" my kids. But a firm admonishment from is usually enough to make them back off.

  Co-Workers - Most refused to discuss it, which was fine with me. They treated me pretty much the same as usually. Of course, the GodZealots amongst them intensified their efforts at conversion (the same efforts that lead to the disclosure to begin with). But after a few polite but firm rebuffs on my part, all except the most determined gave up. The really determined ones had to eventually be subjected to my standard 2-hour diatribe on the evils of god, the stupidity of man, and the sin of not thinking (frequently accompanied by many really good jesus jokes) before they would leave me in peace.

  Friends - Now this is where my atheism has brought the most difficulties. If you all think it's rough being an atheist...try being a BLACK ATHEIST!!! Most of my friends are Black and their reactions really surprised me at first, now I don't care.

  Black people will forgive another Black person almost anything (dealing drugs to our kids, murdering 2 people in LA, being a Republican, even selling out {assuming of course they repent}) but the one thing they will NOT forgive you for is being an atheist. Don't get me wrong they will tolerate it, try to convert you, even get over their hurt...but you will never be forgiven...you are never the same in their eyes.

  All in all, my atheism doesn't really bother most folks I know (I've learned to weed out those who can't tolerate it). [Janet Griffin]

• My parents and sister are atheists, I have an antheist uncle, and my grandmother is a mild Congregationalist, so my lack of belief is of no concern to them. I have a fundy uncle, who I suspect knows, but he has never pressed the issue. In real life (as opposed to Usenet) I usually don't talk about my atheism unless asked directly.

  A co-worker once asked me if I had chosen a church yet. I said, "No, I'm not religious." Her reaction was one of relief, since she's not religious either, and immediately we started griping and joking about fundies!

  The other day I got together with a group of former co-workers, and we started discussing million-dollar ideas. As it happened, we drove past a major fundie church, and so I mentioned "Savior-on-a-Stick", and they burst out laughing. Another person mentioned "Pope-on-a-Rope". I was pleasantly surprised, considering I live in Kentucky! (Chris Nelson #135)

• Resignation from my mom, I had been leading up to it for a while.

  I don't wear an a.a. badge on my sleeve, so otherwise it only comes up when somebody says something about God.

  Then it depends.

  I've had drunken friends try to convert me on the spot. (Fred Stone #1369)

• Lessee...I told my brother I was an atheist, and his reaction was "I'm sorry to hear that." I thought the matter was a none-issue at that point...until the next weekend I was up to visit and my mother confronted me in her car about it. Seems my atheism concerned my brother enough that he shared it with the rest of the family...*sigh*.

  Anyway, the gist of the confrontation was first, seeking reassurance that I wasn't going to attempt to sway my nephew and niece away from religion (I agreed, reserving the right to answer their questions honestly when they were of an age to start asking them), followed by the assertion that "I was raised right and had a good foundation in God, and that I'd find my way back into the fold."

  Later that weekend, my mother snuck into the living room while I was napping on the couch and, asuming I was asleep, read a couple of quiet prayers over me. I continued to feign sleep -- if I hadn't, I would've had a _very_ hard time holding my tongue at that point, and her feelings were already hurt badly enough by then.

  To this day, I can't have a conversation with my mother without religion coming into it in some form, with my mother talking about "blessings" and "miracles" and "prayer", trying to subtly nudge me back toward christianity. And so far, I haven't had the heart to do more than just respond with a noncommital "mm-hmm" here and there and pretend to be listening.

  Oh, and my reassurances aside, I'm no longer allowed to spend time alone with my nephew and niece. It hasn't been flat out stated, but when I volunteer to take 'em somewhere, there's always my brother or his wife or my mother stepping in to do it themselves or come along for the ride for themselves. Before I told my brother of my atheism, I was allowed time alone with them fairly regularly -- I was the sole witness to my nephew's first steps, forinstance, because I was lucky enough to be babysitting him at the time.

  The situation is more or less stable, if a bit tense at times. I've still got a long way to go before my family truly accepts my lack of belief, and even longer before they'll ever learn to respect it. And, until then, I'm a welcome outcast...they're glad to see me come visit, but always seem a little relieved when I'm ready to leave.

  One of these days, we're all going to have to confront the issue head on. I just haven't been able to gather the courage to force the matter -- I'm afraid of the hurt it will cause, especially to my mother, and that I'll no longer be welcome there as a result. (WhiskeyJack)

• It varies. Some didn't seem to care. A few atheists that I know said: "Good". My family was angry, but after the initial resentment, they just refused to discuss the subject. I took that as grudging acceptance.

  Many religious acquaintances would just say; "Oh." in disappointment and leave it at that. Many offered to pray for me (Actually quite a few said that. If prayer worked, I'd be so holy that I would probably be Pope by now.) One tried to convert me. He was actually a nice guy, and I used to enjoy our discussions about religion. Needless to say he failed. Only one fundy actually chased me down the halls at work trying to get me to read his damned bible. He was so ridiculous that everyone laughed at him and make fun of him. I don't think that he ever got the point of the humor. (John Hachmann #1782)

• Family - my immediate family couldn't care less. They are vaguely humanist. My grandfather once asked some door-to-door fundies how they could justify belief in a just god in a world where children died of cancer and the like, so my grandparents couldn't care less. My friends are mostly from computing/electronics/engineering/science backgrounds and thus mostly atheist. I don't have any former ministers.

  Co-workers, I try and leave alone. I don't want to know. (Owen Hughes #1883)